Reconnecting with personally important people

Renewal

I ran across a newspaper article reporting a past employer as having lost tens of millions of dollars last year. This triggered a wide range of memories.

Images of people and places and events from 20 years ago formed in my mind, and as those images crystallized, I wondered: what happened to the people who were important in my life all those years ago?

Some, I knew, had passed away. On prior visits to a small town where we had lived, I found names of people I had worked with emblazoned on headstones in the local cemetery.

Searching the internet for people

But as I went to the internet, I discovered that many people seemed to still be around. I decided to try to reconnect with some folks that we lost track of as the years rolled by. (Just ten years ago, I don’t think we had the information resources available over the internet to support the searches I’m making now. As I reflect on this, I realize how our concept of knowledge has evolved from data and documents to now include life experiences of millions of people. Amazing.)

Mark 8:36

We’ve kept in touch with my first employer after I graduated from college. This connection has become much more bittersweet the last few years as we’ve watched this couple fight an almost hopeless battle with cancer. Throughout, they manage to find something positive in each day, and they continue to share their faith and focus, every day.

These folks are quite well off, yet they remain grounded in the day-to-day joy of being alive. I’m reminded of Mark 8:36, “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” They haven’t lost their hearts and souls.

Although I grieve at the battle they are waging, their strength proves to me that every day is a blessing. I think of them every day and am uplifted.

Mining

I also reconnected with a gentleman who worked for me for a few years in the mining industry. He revealed some things I had not known from that time. He had a long tenure of nearly two decades with the one mining company, a rare thing in that industry.

I shared with him my respect for him as a geologist and as a human being, and learned he felt the same way. These were things we could not seem to say to each other in an employer-employee relationship, but we can share these feelings now. Wouldn’t it have been better to share those feelings way back then? Rhetorical question: why aren’t we more honest in the moment with people we respect and care about? Why wait 20 years?

Saving children

One couple gave up six-figure incomes to commit their lives to working with children in poverty-stricken countries. I have no idea if they get email, but I’m looking to conversing with them.

Some are not receptive

A couple of people haven’t been too enthused about renewing a connection long since gone dormant. Y’know, that’s okay. We grow and change as we travel this living journey. I find it completely acceptable that our paths have diverged to the point they no longer feel substantial bonds.

I am pleasantly surprised that several folks seem genuinely pleased to be remembered. Apparently, the emotional connection we had way back when was real, or at least significant enough they are not put off by my out-of-the-blue message saying “long time no talk!”

Congruence

These renewed connections are filling in some gaps in my knowledge, but more importantly, I’m feeling something akin to emotional healing or renewal as we converse. I’m excited to discover what they’ve been doing, to learn about the twists and turns they’ve had to navigate on their journey through this life. I’m discovering an odd sense of congruence, which may simply be recognition that all of us have had to negotiate unexpected events, and we have endured.

Did I change?

I recognize part of this change in me is due to the incredible tale of discovering my wife’s birth family. That event was life changing. I’m also recognizing that age is creeping up on us; we used to chuckle about older people talking about their health problems, but now I find we have some really fine conversations that revolve around our health. The son becomes the father.

Our children had, and are having, birthdays. Valentine’s Day is just a few days away.

In reviewing some photos at work a few weeks ago, I found myself contrasting their appearance of ten years ago with how they look now…and the visible signs of aging were quite startling. The moment was rather like seeing a friend’s child you haven’t seen for several months, and exclaiming how much the child has grown, yet the parent says: really? When we see the same people every day, these changes tend to go unnoticed.

And some folks important to me have passed, and those events always cause me to become much more reflective.

All these things are piling up, creating an emotional tension that is, I believe, the catalyst for my reborn interest in these personally important people from years past.

People are important

So what is the “take home” message in this post? It is simply this: people are important, and today is the best day to recognize that fact. Tell them today.

We cannot know what tomorrow will bring, or how many days we have ahead of us. For too many years I’ve been so busy with my own career and family that I have put off nurturing the relationships I once had with coworkers and friends. One month passed, then another, and those added up to a year, and then another year, and suddenly it is 20 years later.

I know I have today, and I’m no longer willing to put off getting to know these great people any longer.

Thank you

So Pat, Barry, Joe, K, and many others: thank you being so gracious when I’ve reconnected with no warning after so many years of silence. I am enjoying getting to know who you have become.